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| MAKING
MARRIAGE WORK |
All
that I am I give to you
We all go into relationships with expectations and even if
you have shared a home together for some time you will each
have your own assumptions and expectations about what life
will be like when you are married. It is important that you
talk through this together so that you get no big surprises.
There may be things from the past which you have not so far
shared with one another. Perhaps they are difficult to talk
about, but sharing has the power to disarm your hurts and
fears. Trust is a basic requirement for a good marriage; this
means not only being open and honest with your partner, but
also allowing him/her to be open and honest with you, without
fear or recrimination. |
Q.
What do you expect from marriage?
Q. Is there anything that you
need to share with your partner? |
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Sharing
Love
We all have needs - most people would agree that our greatest
need is to be loved. How do we know when we are loved? Love
is shown by affection and attention;
it requires respect, encouragement
and support along with comfort
when times are difficult.
As couples become used to one another and involved in the
busyness of daily living, it is very easy to feel taken for
granted. It's then that the little things like words of approval,a
hug or a kiss can make all the difference.
Love grows as it is given away. Loving one another generously,
withuot strings, will enable you to grow. It is God's wish
that your love for one another will be a reflection of wonderful
love He has for each other. |
Q.
In what ways do you show love to one another? |
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Forgiveness
We all say and do things that hurt those we love. Your commitment
to one another will require the ability of you both to forgive
and accept forgiveness. Forgiveness is a tthe heart of God's
love for us, and is the saving grace of all our relationships,
but perhaps none more so than in marriage. |
Q.
Do you find it easy to forgive?
Q. How does it feel wen someone
forgives / won't forgive you?
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Can
We Talk?
You may spend a lot of time talking together, but do you share
the things that really matter? It is important to
tell one another how you fell and to take care to understand
how your partner fells. Saying 'It doesn't matter, I don't
care about it' usually means it does and you do! Problems
that are not dealt with won't go away and what starts as a
small "pinch" can end up being a major "crunch".
You will find that the more you share your concerns and fears
with each other, the deeper and stronger your relationship
will become. Some people find it easy to express how they
feel, others find it more difficult. This can sometimes depend
on the fmaily you were brought up in. If your partner finds
it difficult to talk about his or her concerns, it could be
that they were never encouraged to do so in the past.
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Q.
When
might you be at ease and able to talk? After love making?
Over dinner? On a quiet walk? |
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Talking
Points
The statements below address some situations which couples
who are planning to marry might find useful to discuss together.
These will give you a little flavour of some of the questions
which your vicar might want to talk over, or some of the topics
you might be asked to explore in your marriage preparation
group. If any of the topics raise particular difficulties,
then don't be afraid to mention this to your vicar. He or
she will be happy to explore these further without taking
sides. |
| Ten
Talking Points |
Him
Agree/Disagree |
Her
Agree/Disagree |
| 1.
Our parents can have a key to our house |
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| 2.
Having seperate bank accounts means you don't trust one another |
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| 3.
I'm good at asking my partner's opinion |
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| 4.
It's not only okay it's desirable to spend time with your
own friends |
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| 5.
I sometimes over-react when things go wrong |
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| 6.
I'm very comfortable at expressing my sexual desires and preferences |
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| 7.
A mother should give up full-time work while the children
are young |
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| 8.
I'm pretty certain where we'll be spending our first Christmas
after we are married and am quite happy about it |
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| 9.
I find it easy to forgive and don't bear grudges |
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| 10.
It's best to avoid any subjects you end up quarelling about |
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For
better or worse... till death do us part
None of us can see into the future, but there will be many
changes in your shared life. Some of these changes you will
welcome and celebrate, such as a child, a new home or job,
others may be painful and involve a sense of loss or grief.
Married life is not all sweetness and light, there will be
times of sadness, disagreement and stress, but if your relationship
is built on a solid foundation of love and trust, you will
have the resources to cope.
Try to see the changes as happening to the two of you as husband
and wife together. Joys need to be shared to the full if they
are to be appreciated. Likewise the challenges, especially
difficult times, need to be borne togehter with loving support.
Life is a journey and in marriage you will be committing yourself
to sharing that journey, in a unique and intimate way, with
each other and with God. |
Q.
Are there some possible changes that you look forward to?
Q. Is there anything about the
future which worries you? |
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